Kate Barger - Out of the Depths

Coach Kate Barger, L-1

A deeper connection between mind, body, and soul has been an ongoing theme in my life for several years now. A near drowning incident last month left me processing the gift of our body, especially our breath. I find myself being very intentional – inhaling, pausing, waiting, while then exhaling. As if I’m absorbing each particle of air with great mindfulness, understanding how our breath sustains us in a deeper way. Carrying this a step forward, I am more aware how CrossFit has helped to not only strengthen me, but also sustain me on each level – mind, body, and soul.

I started CrossFit a little over 3 years ago and what I’ve learned about myself, and the strength I’ve developed, go far beyond the outward appearance. In many ways, I feel that CrossFit has allowed me to discover my true self: stripping away layers of self-doubt and fear of the unknown, while going to a place of deeper strength when there seems to be none left.

I battled with the demons of anxiety and depression for years. Many times, I was so stuck in shame and guilt that I kept it all very hidden. With God’s help, I have been released from that tormenting darkness. That downward spiral though, where I felt hopeless and helpless, is still very familiar allowing me to be more in tune to others – a gift I am so grateful to receive. Personally, those struggles may be explained in the visual sense as drowning under waves (thoughts), dangerously crashing over my vulnerable mind. The battle with intrusive thoughts were relentless some days. They showed no mercy, and crashed over and over again, leaving my soul feeling depleted, worn out, and defeated. The release and freedom that I have experienced – from the Lord’s sweet healing, but also from what I have gained from being at the box is priceless. The close-knit community is like therapy, the release after an intense workout ignites a sense of life and energy, releasing endorphins that are crucial to my overall well-being. It helps heal my soul.

There’s a mysterious connection between the physical world and the mental realm. I experienced a very real sense of drowning on July 15. My family and I rafted down the Lower New River in Fayetteville, and after a class IV rapid capsized our raft, I quickly found myself in a hydraulic; a river feature that pulled me under, the force of the current was so strong and unforgiving that I was at the mercy of the river.

My endurance to withstand this spinning, forceful whirlpool of water was fading with each second I was without breath. I was there – in the physical realm of what I had mentally felt all those years. Yet, in the unknown, my body managed to hold onto a deep strength, a powerful will to survive, and in the depths, I wasn’t fearful. The struggle must have lasted around 30 seconds – yet it seemed like an eternity. The strength of my body gave up when the hydraulic released me & there I was, freely floating helplessly underwater; my eyes were open but my body was limp. My muscles were probably depleted of oxygen leaving my every fiber weak and vulnerable to the mercy of the river.

Psalm 18:16 - “He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.”

The guide who rescued me insisted that I open my eyes. My body was depleted from oxygen, worn out from fighting the powerful currents, and in a panic to breathe. All I could do was simply say the Lord’s name over and over again.

Though my head hung low and despite my tears and struggle to breathe, I survived. Just like we do during our workouts. Every.Single.Grueling.One.

There is beauty and strength in pure vulnerability and transparency. Sometimes we have to break again and again, before we can be healed completely. I look to other friends from 1201 who have endured injuries or have taken time off to allow their bodies to heal, drawing inspiration from their journeys. And I inhale, a little deeper, thinking of their resilience and knowing my body, too, will be stronger when I return.

I’m choosing joy at this time, despite the trials, with thanksgiving. Choosing to have a larger perspective and searching for the lessons I am meant to gain from this experience. Then, another wave hits…this time a fracture in my back.

Almost 2 weeks ago, I fell on a tree root and am currently healing from a non-displaced transverse process fracture of L3 (Lumbar vertebrae), it became apparent that rest is my only option in healing. Processing not just the near drowning incident, but also a fractured back, has me relying on the deep mind – body – spiritual strength that I have been quite in tune with, lately.

If you allow it to be, there’s more to CrossFit than logging your daily workouts or hitting a new PR. It’s symbolic to life – navigating those waves of adversity that threaten to overtake us. We build perseverance, strength, stamina, character, and do so together at 1201, literally side by side people who are grinding through their own struggles and celebrating their own victories. There’s a simple beauty in personal connection, in vulnerability, and in seeing our own strength (and others) blossom. I believe it is about embracing this journey we are ALL on, and we owe it to ourselves to strengthen and nourish each aspect of our health.